My Life
by Kinelea
Summary: This is just Logan reflecting on his life. PG for a couple swear word(come on, it is Logan.) The title sucks and suggestions are welcome. this is edited, more like logan now, i hope. Please R


Disclaimer: I don't own Logan or any of the other x-men. Genevieve, Devon and Sheila belong to Amoeba queen.

A/N: Genevieve is Amoeba queen's OC and so are the twins. This is basically how I think Logan would reflect on his life. There is a gigantic chunk which has nothing to do with the real x-verse because Amoeba queen and I have made it up. If you don't like it, then be warned by this and don't read it. But, anyway, if this does interest you, read it and tell me what you think. This is the edited version, by the way, the one I had up before didn't really sound like Logan and a big thanks to Janelle for helping me with that. Anyway, enough talk, get reading!

  
  


I'm a fuck up. I've always known that. That's why they screwed around with me, put the damn adamantium in my bones. I thought I was my own man, never carin' 'bout nobody but me, sometimes not even carin' 'bout me. 

First, there were the X-men. That's when the first changes started happenin'. I started makin' friends, Charlie, first off, then others. From Jeannie ta Gumbo. I cared 'bout people an' people cared 'bout me. Strangest part o' all, I liked it. I guess what they say is true, people need people. 

So, with my friends I wasn't the same as I'd been b'fore. Not sayin' I was a completely changed man, but the makin's fer that were there. 

Then, there was Genevieve. God, I loved her. She was the first woman I'd loved in a long time. Before her, o' course, there was Jean, but with Jean it had been more wantin' what I couldn't have. Not at all like how it was with Genevieve. We had our ups an' downs but we pulled through. I felt the happiest I ever had when she told me she'd be my wife. 

She changed me even more. Fer the first time, I was happy. An' the happiness lasted. When our twins were born, the happiness just kept growin'. I felt like my heart was gonna burst it was so full o' joy. 

The first wrench came when Genevieve an' I agreed she an' the kids would have t' go away, fer their own safety. I'd only be able ta see 'em once or twice a year, so that my enemies didn't find 'em an' do god knows what to 'em. It was hard, but we managed. I cared 'bout myself, then, knowin' I had a family to be responsible fer. 

So, fer twelve years we lived apart, only seein' each other on occasion. My kids grew up without me bein' there ta watch 'em do it. This too, wrenched at my heart, but there was nothin' that could be done 'bout it. My first priority was their safety an' if they had ta be away ta be safe, so be it.

Like I mentioned 'fore, I'm a fuck up. So, naturally, I managed ta fuck this up. I was goin' ta see 'em when I wasn't s'posed ta so, naturally, a disaster followed.

I got there an' Devon an' Spark ran out ta meet me, like always, with Sheila sulkin' in the background. She's hated me fer a long time now. Figures I never cared 'bout her cuz I was never there fer her. I can't tell ya' how much that hurts me. 

Anyway, I greeted Spark an' Devon an' we were headin' inside when a familiar scent met my sensitive nose. Sabretooth. 

" Take the kids inside, Genevieve." I growled, poppin' my claws an' headin' towards the direction o' the smell. 

Spark had Gumbo take the kids inside the house but she stayed out. 

" Dammit, Genevieve, get inside!" I yelled. It was already too late. 

Sabretooth leaped out from his hidin' place rushin' past me an' headin' straight fer my wife. I raced after him but I couldn't make it. He stabbed her an' she fell ta the ground. 

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

It felt like I was just gonna' shrivel up and die, right then and there.

" Mommy!!!" Wailed the kids. Gumbo kept 'em inside as they started cryin'. 

Creed headed fer 'em, then but I was beyond reason. He'd gotten Genevieve but he wasn't gonna' get my kids, not while I was still around. 

A red haze seemed ta settle over my vision as I charged him. Fueled by anger, I took him down easy. All that mattered was makin' this bastard pay, gettin' him back fer what he'd done ta my beloved Genevieve. I wanted ta kill him, really an' truly make him suffer an' die. 

" Logan..." 

I'd raised a hand fer the killin' blow, when she called my name. Everythin' drained outta' me an' all that was left was the raw pain. I rushed back ta her, takin' her in my arms. Sabretooth must have taken off, then, but he didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Genevieve.

" Logan, I..." 

She was so weak, she could barely talk. She gasped fer her final breaths as the tears came ta my eyes. 

" I'm here, Genevieve." I said, softly, my voice shakin'. 

Her hand raised ta caress my face an' a tear slid down her cheek. 

" Goodbye...my love." 

" No, Genevieve, please, no." 

I knew it was inevitable, that she was fadin' even as I held her, but I didn't want ta believe it, didn't want ta have ta face the world without Genevieve. 

Her hand fell from my face an' her eyes closed. 

" No, please, no, no!" I sobbed, huggin' her limp form close ta me. 

A huge chunk o' my heart died with her that day an' I ain't never gonna' get it back. I don't know how long I knelt there, cradlin' her, tryin' ta bring her back with tears an' love. It wasn't enough. 

Eventually, when I looked up, I saw the twins sobbin' an' Remy holdin' 'em, tears slidin' down his own face. Gently, I laid her down an' went ta my kids. They turned from Gumbo an' I welcomed 'em into my arms. We cried some more then, together, grievin' fer all that we'd lost. 

After Genevieve's death, I wasn't the same. I regressed ta something akin ta what I'd been 'fore I'd met the X-men. My days were spent relivin' memories o' her an' my nights drownin' 'em in alcohol. I was a wreck. 

The pain never subsided an' still hasn't, ta this day, but I managed ta pull myself together. Ta the great relief o' my friends an' my son, I returned ta normal. Or, more accurately, learned ta hide the pain better. I shoved it down an' locked it away, deep inside o' me somewhere. It surges up every so often though, mostly on those long, lonely nights when I can't seem ta sleep an' my only company is the rain on the window. Then, it all comes back ta me. I relive it again an' again, filled with guilt, pain, unimaginable sorrow. I survive those torturous nights an' return ta bein' myself, ta bein' gruff, solid, Logan. 

I've never loved again, never found anyone that could replace her. I know that sounds horribly cliche but it's true. I haven't been able t' feel the same way 'bout anyone as I felt 'bout Genevieve. Don't think I ever will be able ta.

Devon an' Sheila are all grown up now, moved on, have their own lives. Devon stayed at the mansion an' became an X-man, he's a genius that kid. This ain't just a father's pride, either. He's fuckin' brilliant. He's basically our technical man now, makes new weapons, upgrades the computer an' so on, even comes ta the battles occasionally. 

Sheila, on the other hand, I haven't heard from in years. She still hates me, pro'bly will fer the rest o' her life. God, it hurts, I can't possibly describe how much it hurts ta have one o' yer kids despise ya; so much that they hang up on ya' when ya' call, send back the christmas an' birthday presents ya' get 'em. Devon tells me she's doin' okay an' I'll have ta take his word fer that.

This is the pathetic excuse fer my life. I don't know why I've decided ta tell ya or why the hell ya'd even care, but here it is. My days are spent as they have been fer a long time now, fightin' with the X-men, takin' off fer some alone time whenever I need it. It's what I do an' I'm the best at it, even if it ain't very nice. This is what I'll be doin' fer the rest o' my life until that day when I'll get ta see my Genevieve again. The days roll by an' I'm wishin' fer that day t' come more an' more. It'll get here when my time comes an' I can only hope that's soon. 

A/N: So, what did you think? If you didn't like it, feel free to review but please do it in a constructive way so that I can take advice and try to improve. Thank you very much.

Kinelea


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